There comes a time at the end of a pregnancy when somehow amidst the chaos of last minute prep comes out of the blue an erie serenity. Even if your to-do list is only half finished, it's as if someone has said relax, I'll take care of everything.
You begin to feel strangely disconnected from everything around you, yet more present than you've ever been. It's as if you've suddenly become someone else, yet you feel more perfectly you than you've ever been.
The only thing I can think to compare it to is a particularly memorable ski trip in the rockies. It was the first time I boarded down from the very top of the mountain. Even at the brink of total physical exhaustion, I skipped dinner and drinks at the lodge in favor of an apple and wild lichen picked on an evening hike. I finished the night by soaking in steaming hot springs before plunging into an ice cold pool of water. When I emerged from the frigid water with steaming skin I remember staring up at the moon and feeling completely reborn.
Where there was worry, suddenly there was peace. Where there should've been exhaustion, I felt capable of anything. And in spite of all the things that had felt so important, for a moment at least, I just didn't give a damn.
That's how I've felt from the moment I woke up today. I remember the same feeling during my max pregnancy. It came just a few days before labor began.
I'm pretty sure it's the body's way of calming the mind and spirit in prep for labor because gosh...giving birth to a new person is a pretty big deal isn't it? Certainly the kind of thing that could overwhelm even the strongest minds.
So here we are at the very end when all of the questions meet. Is my house/relationship/bank account ready for a new baby? Will my mom get here in time to watch Max when I go into labor? Will my labor be induced or will it begin naturally? Will it be a vaginal birth or a surgical one? An attempt at a natural birth met with the relief of an epidural or the relief of deep meditation? Who is this soul I've been carrying for the last 39 weeks (or really all my life)? And least important but most hotly debated, will it be a boy or girl?
So last week if you saw a very pregnant very stressed lady with double pink eye, glasses on and hair in her face, coughing her way through the NY subway system with a Container Store bag as big as herself or huge boat bags full of veggies...that was me. And this week if you saw a very pregnant lady sitting on the L train, staring quietly at her curly headed toddler and looking oddly at peace...that was me too.
P.S. 21 weeks later can you believe my favorite dress still fits?
Oh, I almost forgot the Final Stats:
Baby: Baby loves this song and mango juice. Baby will definitely pass the hearing test because every time Max throws a toy on the floor baby jumps.
Currently craving: fruit juice, fruit smoothies, fresh fruit, and fruit
Weight: 148 lbs (32 pounds overall)
Symptoms: Morning sickness and 1st trimester strength fatigue has slipped back in. Hip and pelvic bones are getting lots of separation aches and pains. Braxton Hicks are back to several times per hour.
Birthing Preparation: I always fall asleep during my meditations but she says that's perfectly fine and that it will still be effective. To get baby out on time: walking all over town, evening primrose oil supplements, flax oil in smoothies, taking stairs every chance I get, and you know...other stuff (*winks*)
What I'm looking forward to: Seeing baby's face. Telling everyone who said it would be a boy I told you so!